UNmotivational

I have decided that I am a challenge to motivate. 

This moment of self-awareness began about half way through my pregnancy, when pinterest (and a dear friend) guided me to a post-preggo's "journey-to-post-baby-fitness" blog.  In this blog, the new momma proclaimed (and provided with picture evidence) that within about 12 weeks her body was back to normal--and her flat belly was proof for all on the world wide web to see.  She explained that the purpose of this blog was to motivate others, that she had to work hard to get her results.  Furthermore, she accomplished the great feat of gaining only a belly bump--and the quick loss of it-- by hard work, denying cravings, and exercising rigorously before, during, and after her pregnancy. 

My response to Miss Perfection and the secret to her success?  (Keep in mind that Preggo Cole hibernated the entire first trimester, and gave into just about every craving under the sun.). . .

That @#$!@!!!  Who does she think she is?
Pause.
Tears.
Husband asks, "What's wrong?"
My hysterical response (said through tears and a shaky, borderline psycho voice), "I've let myself go in this pregnancy!! I've gained too much weight!" 
Husband reassures. 
Preggo Cole eats some comfort carbs...vows never to look at that woman's blog again.

In recent months, I've laughed at that psychotically preggo moment and how ridiculous I was.  But, then, I had a revelation.  It wasn't that I was angry at someone for being successful, or even trying to motivate others.  In almost every area of life, I am never inspired by someone who only shares the easy or perfect parts of their success stories. 

Take church and spiritual life, for example.  How many people join a church because the pastor comes off as perfect and having no struggles of his own?  On the other hand, how many join a church because the pastor and leadership are leading in humility and vulnerability?  How many of you really want to open up, be accountable, and share your struggles with someone who acts as if he or she had none?  Don't get me wrong-I am not advocating the awkward-air-your-dirty-laundry-on-facebook-or-to-strangers "vulnerability."  I'm just saying that humility and vulnerability--or the lack thereof--are my personal keys to inspiration. 

I'll end this blog with the story of a dear friend (who shall remain nameless).  Several years ago, she began a journey of health and fitness that changed her whole lifestyle.  Most people say they exercise and diet to "be healthy-" aka, look hot in their jeans.  This friend literally ate right, exercised, and lived to be healthy for serving Christ.  How did I know?  She got weirded out when people would freak out over her weight loss, and she literally glorified God in all of it.  It's no surprise that this friend is someone who knows my best--as well as my absolute worst.  Why?  Because she is vulnerable and real. 

And that is what truly motivates me.

Break Time!

Sometimes...a break from the "routine" is needed.

After a long, seemingly non-stop work week, my sweet momma & I took Cannon-ball on his first four hour road trip to see his great-grandparents.  The trip?  Ridiculously tough (babies let you know when they are tired of being in a car seat and OFF of their routine ;) ).  . .but worth every minute he got to spend with my grandparents.  My Gran & Pop gave me so many great memories growing up, so I loved getting to stay the night with them again!!

The hubs traveled last weekend, and on his way back home, he graciously offered to take the night shifts.  A wonderful change of routine.  He also put Cannon to bed, and woke up with him Monday morning.  So, I got a small break from "Momma duty" to rest and SLEEP.  

Today at work was staff development day--another lovely break for my work routine.  Why??  A full work day without a crazy amount of multi-tasking, creative classroom management, and--a full day of work with only adults.

Since lunch was provided for us--home made enchiladas :)--I just couldn't count calories. . .another wonderful break in routine.  Eating 1,200-1,500 calories a day can be, well, boring at times, so I appreciate the chance to occasionally jump off the "diet bandwagon."

My last departure from the norm of life--a self-paced checklist at work that allowed me to be home at 2:00!!! I had several extra hours to spend with my Phillip and play with my little man!!  The weather was beautiful, my house was clean (thanks hubby ;) ), my belly was happy, and I got extra smiles, laughs, and cuddles from my baby boy.

Tomorrow, it's back to the "daily grind."  Back to full-time work, possibly a late night feeding, and counting those calories. But honestly, a day of breaks from the norm has refreshed and motivated me to press into this new week and all that it holds.

Real Talk

In 2012,  Phillip & I became first time parents.  (This is a surprise to no one, seeing as how we post about 500 pictures of our son daily.  :) )  There is really nothing that can prepare you to become a parent!

One of the most surprising things about becoming a mom was the instant and unconditional love that I felt for such a tiny little person.  Things that had always grossed me out or annoyed me suddenly didn't bother me in the least.  Crying baby? Sleepless nights?  Projectile poo?  Ok!! Anything for my little Cannon-ball.  Now...is parenting easy?  Not at all!!  But what surprises me still is how much love I have for someone who has done nothing to earn my love at all.

When I started dating Phil, I quickly fell in love with the person he is & the way he adds to my life.  I still get excited when I think of the way God brought us together!  The LORD in His perfect wisdom brought me someone who continually loves me in ways that demonstrate God's love for us.  And that's God's design for marriage--to bring together two separate people who will become one in spirit and honor each other above themselves.  Here's the deal with marriage--if one person continually "takes" and does not love his or her spouse unselfishly, that marriage is not going to be a very happy one.  Why?  Because God designed us to need one another.

But with a child, love just happens.  Think about it--there is nothing Cannon can do for me to "give" to me in any way.  (Hopefully he will change my diapers later in life, but that's another story. :) )  But, I still love him.  Love him through sleepless nights, dirty diapers, fussy moods, and I will continue to love him through good and bad choices, temper tantrums, and the dreaded teenage years.  Why?  He's my child.

This brings me to my "real talk" moment.  This is exactly how our Heavenly Father loves us.  We don't add to Him in any way at all.  He is complete--in complete union & perfect relationship with Jesus & the Holy Spirit.  But, we need Him completely!  While we can give nothing to our Father that He needs, He gives us everything, and the amazing thing about His love is that He loves much uglier parts of us than dirty diapers or fussiness.

He loves us in our sin, our selfishness, our weakness, our brokenness.  And HE gave the most precious part of Him--Jesus Christ--to save and restore a people who are sinful and in need of Him.  And if He loves the ugliest and worst parts of us, then we have His unconditional approval and acceptance through Jesus Christ.

This brings me to my point.  (Yes, finally.  I've never been accused of concise. :) ) Why, as people, do we worry and strive to present ourselves as "perfect" to others??  Think about it.  Most of us are terrified to be real and vulnerable with people, but why?  Ultimately, the approval of others does not define who we are.

Why do we feel the need to present only the best & most "perfect" parts of ourselves to others?  Think about it.  We as people naturally want others to accept & validate us, so we present only the parts of ourselves that are likeable and attractional.  Think about social media.  How many people post pictures of themselves lookin' all nasty and scrub??  I love posting pictures as much as any of my middle school girls, but I somehow never have posted a picture of myself with my early morning, Bilbo-Baggins afro.

There is a natural, normal part of us that wants approval and validation.  It's the part of us that causes us to work for success, to treat other people with kindness and courtesy, to strive to be "better."  But the need to be perceived as perfect or always "having it all together"-whether it be spiritually, physically, financially, or emotionally-- can be enslaving.  Because we are unconditionally loved by a God who sees and loves every part of us, we are free to be vulnerable and real.  

And THAT is Good News!!!